(If you have never heard of a micronation, it is better if you read a bit of this to actually understand anything of what I am about to say)

Here’s a few facts on the small, prosperous nation of kickassery that Nyland is made up of - because other CIA and other assorted factbook associations are all touchy over what a “country” actually is to give my nation the recognition it deserves and make a factpage for me themselves. Elitist bastards.

Name: I think we’ve established this.

Flag:

This is the national flag, symbol, of whatever of Nyland. This is the emblem this nation goes by and can recognise itself through.

Coat of Arms: None.

Motto: None.

National Anthem: … Go die in a hole.

I never understood why people who declare their bedroom/backyard/mother to be an independant nation actually bother making a coat of arms, an anthem, or a motto. That crap is old and outdated.

Sure, in the past, where nations were divided and segregated until they almost became parallel universes, it was commonplace for nations so have a song or a saying for people to hang on to in times of struggle. But when you’re a guy who’s taking up being a sadistic dictator as a small hobby, then the shit’s just pointless. It’s not like you’re going to be any more powerful or influential for singing We Will Rock You every morning and evening so that everyone goes “Whoa! Look at that dude! He’s a satanic leader, and his nation has a Queen song as their anthem! We’ve got a fucking badass over here, nobody piss him off!”.

So, what’s the reason behind a flag if I’m so much against pointless national symbolism? Well, simple really. A flag can visually represent a nation like nothing else can, and anything else to identify the nation apart from a name is sagging add-ons that deserve to be long-gone.

Language: There is no official language - the communication is, however, mainly done through interpretive symbols that work much better with people who don’t know the language than the modern Latin alphabet. The speech, too, is highly interpretive and makes good use of sign language to carry on the point.

However, the population of Nyland knows English, Danish, a good deal of Russian, and a tiny bit of Spanish. They also know what “desu” means in Japanese.

Government: Fuck the government.

Political System: Yes, that’s more like it.

Nyland is a Socialist Anarchy. Don’t be fooled by the name - you can go fuck-all you want. There is only one general rule that is applied, and it is immensely ironic; one cannot force others against their own will.

This is a law that is set on stone, and will not be fucked around with. Nothing about legalising a form of manipulation and power over others like every bloody Western nation (which, may I add, is why they show up on the bottom of top corrupt nations - there, their nations make corruption and fraud legal, while it’s illegal hence an act of corruption in, say, African nations). If you force a person to work for you and make their life hell, you will fucking pay.

Area: 14 square metres.

It takes up a former bedroom (which is now has its very own gulag! Awesome, innit?) and, before, a slab of asphalt outside the neighborhood that the bedroom’s house was part of, until it got re-annexed into the local authorities when they turned it into a car park for the local school and took off all the “YOU ARE NOW ENTERING NYLAND” and “CHARLIE SHEEN YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED IN” signs obviously milling about the place. Fucking pricks.

Population: 1.

This has been a consistent population level since last year; thus Nyland owns the record of smallest amount of homicides, suicides, deaths, cancer-related deaths, fetish-gone-wrong-related deaths for every 1000 people per annum in the world! Amazing!

Average Age: Nobody there has died yet. Fucking immortals.

Time Zone: CET.

One thing that is important to note, however, is that every Friday and Saturday evening from 6 PM till midnight, the time officially changes to “HAMMER:TIME” in celebration of good times. Nobody has been able to touch this law.

Main Import: Krautrock albums.

Main Export: Half-arsed History essays done the day they were due.

Power Outlet: 220-230 Volts.

Not that it matters. All the plugs here are all used up, so you won’t be able to use any of them anyway. No, fuck you, you can’t use my unused camera battery charger.

Immigration Policy: It’s an anarchy, so just hop in over, of course! However, there’s only room for one bed there and I’m allergic to pajamas.

Cuisine: 

Mother. Fucking. Cookie. Dough.

Yes. Christ, it’s the best stuff ever.

Not only is it considered to be the national dish, but it’s almost worshipped.

Once Nyland actually gets into the UN, we’ll be sure to send in a resolution to the WHO about getting all of the nations in the world to gang up to make raw cookie dough as unhazardous as possible. 

Culture:

Nyland is much different than the bigoted drunks of Denmark, the nation that completely surrounds Nyland. Immigration is tolerated and beckoned; and the taste in music of the population is much more influenced by experimental movements in Germany and the United Kingdom than the ludicrous rip-off music style of Danish pop-rock.

The most prized heritage in Nyland is, in fact, the “musical archive” - a fascinating collection of a lot of artists. (actually it’s just my album collection, but go with it damnit)

There are musicians from 10cc to ZZ Top, from the Beatles to De La Soul, every single Frank Zappa and Rolling Stones album that doesn’t suck, the entire discography of Pink Floyd and the Doors, Progressive Rock, Post- and Proto Punk, progressive dreamfunk, hell - even some stuff from the post-post-post-post-dada minimalist pre-experimental avant-jazzfusion doo-wop-be-boppity-bop movement for you.

Art is also celebrated in Nyland, with iconic Pop Art being well-acknowledged.

So, if you like sleeping naked in bed with a guy you don’t know, you love cookie dough crave motherfucking cookie dough without any douchefuck telling you it’s unhealthy or dangerous, doing whatever the fuck you want as long as it doesn’t piss me off, listen to post-avant jazzcore, then hop on over to Nyland!

The pleasure is ours.

  1. outbloodyrageous posted this